“Kind words can be short and easy to speak, but their echoes are truly endless.”
Words are impactful. Words can either make us or break us. Interesting fact about words is that women can speak up to 20,000 words a day compared to men who speak about 7,000 words. (http://www.boston.com/news/globe/ideas/articles/2006/09/24/sex_on_the_brain/)
During the day we use our words for gaining and giving information. This can be through sharing stories, asking questions, giving answers to questions and many other things. Children are full of questions and love to share information. How we respond to them will impact how they will communicate later. Our communication styles do impact our children.
I had a mother once bring her child to my office. She told me that he was being disrespectful and was not listening to her. That when they talked he would shout at her. I asked many questions but came to the conclusion after having dinner with them one night that he was responding to how he was being taught to communicate. When he was spoken to it was in a loud demanding tone. So that is how he responded back which in turn made the parent respond that way and it just escalated from there. Then when he was speaking or telling a story at the dinner table the parents were half listening at best. After a few months of learning to communicate with each other the family was functioning better. They were slowly understanding each other better. When we speak kind words to each other and communicate then we are better able to love each other. The way that we use our words with our children will be the way that they use their words back to us.
Kind words stay with us for a long time. I have a box full of notes and cards that when I am having a bad day can go and look through. I still remember the sweet comments people have made to me over the years but it seems that bad comments stick with us longer. It takes twelve good comments to make up for one bad one. If all someone hears in negatives then they themselves will become negative. “Bad emotions, bad parents and bad feedback have more impact than good ones. Bad impressions and bad stereotypes are quicker to form and more resistant to disconfirmation than good ones.” http://www.nytimes.com/2012/03/24/your-money/why-people-remember-negative-events-more-than-positive-ones.html?pagewanted=all&_r=0
If we want our children to be positive and to communicate positive things then we need to be pouring more positives into them. Negative comments have to happen. We must correct our children to help them grow but it is all in the way you say it. If you continually tell a child they are stupid then eventually they will say they are and act like they are. If you tell a child that you know they can do better and then help them to succeed. They will grow and will in turn help others grow. Praising them when you see them do something good is the way to start. They will walk in the way you teach them.
Here is a good article on how to talk to your children: http://www.dshs.wa.gov/pdf/publications/22-649.pdf
The main thing are: To love your children unconditionally. Speak kind words to them over time they will begin to change. Tell them each day that you love them Speak and act the way that you want them to speak and act. Believe in your child not just say I think you can do it but believe it in your heart and mind. Share with them your stories and struggles. Appologies when you do something wrong. Don’t be afraid to confess when you messed up to your kid. Make sure your speaking clear and kind words. Remember that your child is unique and not like you. They may need to be praised differently or communicated with differently than you or your other children. Pray before you speak or correct your child. Consistently speak in calm and loving tones. If you are unsure ask your kids if you sound angry or loving. Thank them regularly for what they are doing and ask for them to thank others. Don’t hold mistakes over them. Help them learn from them and to know how to apologies when they do make mistakes.
This week as you are talking to your child, praise them. If you want adopt what we have adopted in the youth ministry. Say 10 nice things about them every day. To them and then create a journal with those things written down for them to read when they are sad and need to be reminded of the good things.
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